Streets of Tokyo3
by Cotillon
Summary: ON HOLD. Shinji Ikari is a sixteen-year-old with tragic past living by himself. Life sucks for him, can he handle it? It s mainly about boys doing boyish stuff. Starts innocently, will get pretty twisted. Rated M for a good reasons.
1. Normal Day

DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything.

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Streets of Tokyo-3

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Life of Ikari Shinji:

It all started somewhere in 2000 when I was just four years old. I was a happy child, I had a beautiful mother and a proud father who loved me, or that's what I always though. Being four doesn't include the clearest perspective of the world that surrounds you, but enough of that, what was back then is now forever out of my reach.

One sunny day my mother decided to take me to town or something like that. We were stuck in the traffic for about two hours or so, after we escaped the hot hell of the Tokyo-3 roads my mother died, simple as it is, died. I was very young but I knew what happens when a large truck hits someone, though I wish I didn't. Images of her stuck beneath the truck tires without her top half haunt me to this day. I honestly can't remember her face or the way she looked back then or even the reason we went out that day. There are only two things that remind me of my mother, first is that empty top half and second is SDAT player which she always carried. Not really much but my subconsciousness tells me that she really loved me back then, so I decided to keep it as reminder. I will probably never know how true that was but I am not simply letting one of the happiest memories of my life slide to nothing, real or not it's mine, and mine alone.

After police finally found my home they noticed that my so called father was nowhere in sight, "he left" they told me. As simple as that, he just left never to be seen again. That day I realized that I lost both of my parents.

Now, to the so called "best" part of this miserable story.

After few days of sleeping in police station my auntie decided to come and pick me up and take me to her home.

And so I lived with her until I was twelve, the most miserable eight years of my entire existence. How to describe my auntie in few words? Hmm, probably something like; whore, nympho, pedophile, abusive…

She was a whore and for my misfortune she worked at home. Every time I came back home I found her in the same position, only every time there was another man with her. Her customers were really funny at some point; at my young age her costumers always thought I was her son. Until I was twelve I had anger-expressing issues, but to think I was her son infuriated me to excess.

Later on they called me the "cello kid" or "whore son", "cello kid" because I couldn't put up with all the screaming and other noises they made, so I simply played cello to stop ugly fucking noises. Some of them hated it but some loved it and thought that it was coming as bonus with sex. "Whore son" is just obvious; I could even say that I hated this one more than other.

Point being I grew up to be a really, REALLY hateful person. I had absolutely no friends in middle school; actually I didn't have friends at all. Maybe except Misato-san, but even now I don't simply look at her as just a friend, more like savior.

Till my twelfth year I simply went with all the shit everyone threw at me, but I managed to found happiness in virtual worlds. Yes I became a geek, I hated people but I was always desperate to talk to them. Virtual world was easier approach; even through video game chats I felt some satisfaction in it. Being a part of a team, no matter witch one. Being a nazi zombie or hero in virtual worlds, made no difference. I found a little piece of happiness that pulled me from suicide for so long.

When I turned twelve my aunt suddenly stopped with abusing, I thought it was because of my social worker Misato, but I was horribly wrong. My aunt even showed me kindness and started to infiltrate my personal space. She even asked me of my "adventuring" in internet and my school. Internet was the only place where my mind was at rest and where instead of being Ikari Shinji I could be anyone else, from orcs, elves, and goblins to soldiers, heroes, tacticians to literally anyone. I was always fine in school, actually I was top rank student, I am even having top grades now. Not being able to be happy now I decided that I should work hard for my happiness in future. I am on a really good way for scholarship, but my aunt never knew any of this, and I highly doubt she ever gave a fuck.

So everything went good for a while until the day she finally decided to act, and in one night I was robbed of my innocence, by my own aunt….

I will skip this memory and start with something more wonderful, for instance my newly made drug addiction or my depression, or lucidity in general.

Don't know if it was divine intervention or what, but Misato-san managed to climb step by step into my broken life and save me from that hellhole. First she drove me off to Sakura Street, the place where poor kids lived and where I live now. I live alone but she is always near me, she and some other people I met that were somehow similar to me.

She helped me get rid of drugs by making me a coffee addict and she gave me her shoulders to support me. At that time she was the brightest stripe of my life, up to that moment I had no clue of independence, self-expression and relations in general. She was well aware that she couldn't fix all the damage but she tried to make me go for chicks no matter what. I love her support but sometimes she just failed hard. I always hated people, especially girls, but for her I tried.

And I was also failing hard, three relationships that lasted for exactly three days, after that Misato just gave up but it didn't stop her from asking if I had a girl every time I saw her.

I could put up with kissing a girl or doing some naughty stuff (sadly nothing up to now), but if one started to infiltrate my space I went crazy and pushed every one of them away.

Don't get me wrong, I also hate boys. The idiotic society of dickheads that expects that you fuck whatever is fuckable to get into their circles and share commodity of their every day bullshit and lousy conversation themes that were mostly spinning around vaginas.

I am also aware that not everyone is like that but being who I am I made only three friends. I also can't deny the fact that we talk about girls A LOT or that I am fucked up sixteen years old kid with raging hormones, but it's not really about what are you talking about, vaginas or not it more or les with who are you talking about it.

Anyway life was better I was thirteen and I made my first real friend in my whole life. His name is Nagisa Kaworu and he is also one fucked up kid, he was also abandoned, also broken. He is albino, white hair, red eyes… that stuff. We met at a game shop and decided that we could find each other online and play together. And so we did, we spoke only through microphone for one whole week and then we decided to meet each other and speak eye to eye. It was awkward at first but we got along just fine. We were in the same street and in the same class at my new school. He is one strange guy but I liked him, we are both on reputation of weird kids, well I m more like "emo kid" while he is "albino guy" and that kind of stuff. It's weird that both of us like classic and play something, somehow it was a trigger to a somewhat deeper friendship. While we could talk about anything other two of my friends were slightly different.

Toji and Kensuke are two guys that bumped along while we were fourteen, me and Kowaru were hanging around the park while some girl was playing on the slides. Girl was clumsy and fell and we both rushed to help her, she thanked us and we helped her walk. We took her to her house and gave her to her brother, her brother was no one but Toji and he bowed to us and begged us to come in so he could treat us and help us for our troubles. After failed negotiations we entered and talked to Toji. He and his sister were living alone; their house was few yards from mine and Kaworus and it looked even worse than mine. After a while Kensuke also came. He was Tojis best friend and so we all got along just fine.

Soon after we became a group and hanged out together.

Toji was a jock, hothead, dickhead and he was most phobic person ever, he was into sports and video games for our surprise, after we realized he played the same stuff as us so the friendship between us was created rather easily. Thing I don't believe even now is that his favorite class is wizard, which was just unpredictable and couldn't relate to him in any way possible. He was pretty ok with girls, he loved to make up stories but we all knew he was the biggest virgin of all. We did endless teasing based on his platonic relationship with class rep. He is always denying it but we always knew they were constantly chatting on faceworld.

Kensuke was not that much of a ladies man, actually fuck it he is expert in gaming stuff but he is also a high scorer in being friend-zoned by every girl in school. We tried to talk to him but he is just overly deluded by his so called "skill". What is true is true, among us he is skill-master level thousand and our online team leader. He is generally good kid; he also lives near Toji completely alone.

So that are our stories, now we are sixteen year olds with pretty fucked lives but we are ok. We are all in the same class in our high school, and we constantly hang out together on the streets. We don't have parents but we manage to live by ourselves, we do some jobs and stuff but it is mostly social help. And so…..

Waiting for new entry…..

Bzzz, bzzzz….

I closed his word window and stared at his monitor. To my surprise I received a call invitation from Toji, probably something game related it was already 3 a.m. and that was our standard gaming time.

"Oy, Toji what's up?" asked Shinji. Grabbing his headset and putting it on his head. "You up for some Call of nazis?"

"Sure thing man, was about to ask you the same thing! Wait just a sec I'll call Nagisa and Kensuke, hope they are not sleeping."

Toji and Shinji entered the group chat.

Wonderer (Shinji) and TheMan (Toji) entered the chatroom, pending requests for Snowman (Nagisa) and Warlord (Kensuke).

"Toji I´ll make coffee while our two princesses wake up. We are doing all nighter?"

"You know it dude, just hurry up."  
After 10 minutes I came back with a cup of coffee and cigarette in his mouth. This kinds of nights were our usual routine. Games were side things what we mostly did was usual bullshit talk about everything. We all worked after school so we kind of decided to use the night.

"Morning beauties!" greeted Shinji.

"Are we seriously playing whole night?" asked Kensuke. "You know school starts for about 5 hours, and we have physical today."

"No problem 2 hours of playing, 2 pf sleeping and we are good." said Nagise.

"That's the spirit guys. What are we doing this time?" asked Toji.

We all entered the game and switched to game chat.

Wonderer: "We could go for a zombie survival, it's been a while."

Snowman: "Sure, I'll make it 20 rounds so we play till we are done."

Warlord: "We need 1 more for that map, want me to invite Ali2001?"

TheMan: "Nope, I would rather eat my own shit than play with that faggot."

Toji really had a way to make most awkward silences ever… especially when we all knew that Nagisa was kind of supportive of that…

Snowman: "Wow, you fucking homophobe…"

TheMan: "What is it to you?"

Snowman: "Nothing, it's rude… and primitive..."

Warlord: "Come on man he is not bad player, Kaworu it's just an insult like any other… we talk shit all the time-…"

Snowman: "-Whatever… Shinji what do you think?"

Wonderer: "Well I'm with-"

TheMan: "-WHOA, ask Shinji? Dude he is the most hateful here!"

Toji always thought that I am always on his side, no matter what kind of shit he sad…

Wonderer: "Fuck off Toji; I'm actually on Nagisas, he is right you know…."

TheMan: "Emmm…. how come?"

Snowman: "Look at Tojis profile info, please I'm quoting; _everything that is not Japanese will be destroyed by the might of the Man_... wow that's just whole new level of xenophobic."

TheMan: "Oh so you are all against me!"

Wonderer: "THAT IS NOT EVEN THE-"  
Warlord: "-GUYS SHUT THE FUCK UP... I PLAN TO START TONIGHT! So all for inviting Ali2001 say yay…

Wonderer: "Yay!"

Snowman: "Yay!"

TheMan: "Suck my dick!"

Wonderer: "Please behave, and speak fucking English he is foreigner, and I don't want him to leave on half of the game because of some retarded jock!"

TheMan: "Leave…. I wish he leaves, and you Shinji… didn't last two of your girlfriends left you?"

Wonderer: "And that is relevant because?"

TheMan: "You don't get along with girls, you defend homos….."

Wonderer: "That's it! Tomorrow my fists… your head….."

TheMan: "Hateful!"

Kensuke completely ignored us and invited his firend…

Ali2001: "Hello!"

All: "Yo!"

"…."

Warlord: "Ok we are starting…. OK!

Snowman: "Oh please do!"

And that's us… pretty normal group… When we are not arguing over pointless stuff we just talk about other more pointless stuff, or girls….That night we lost horribly, mainly because Toji was berserking and Ali2001 really sucked… So I knew I would be hearing Toji whole fucking day….

The night went fine, considering that I slept for two hours and that sun was already up when I went to sleep, yep… mostly fine.

At least there were no nightmares that usually haunt me… Waking up in this three-room apartment is not as bad at it was before. Through time I finally got used to it so I had a few lucky moments of blissful sleep. At start it was mostly insomnia but now I am actually pretty relaxed no matter how much I sleep, because at the end I always fall asleep in the classroom, together with everyone else….

I woke up and did my morning routine; cup of coffee, cigarette, dirty laundry, cooking, and cup of coffee, cigarette, breakfast, dressing up and finally going to school.

When I do my morning leak I usually stare at the mirror and just check my appearance.

"Oh fuck." I noticed the redness of my eyes. My eyes are pretty much blue but now I really can't tell, from pupils to tops, completely red. Of course it's nothing that few coffees can't handle, but I m seriously thinking about sleeping a little more.

Smoking is something I got from Kaworu, when we were younger he told me about his abusive sisters and how he worked for them as a slave. Point is they sometimes made him smoke when he was seven so he was in constant pain from coughing. Well he got used to it… and I thought it was cool so…. I kinda think I will die in my thirties so I don't care….

Being alone in the house all the time made me to learn how to make some decent meals. One day if I fail with life I swear that I will work as a chef.

When I'm done with all the preparations I dress up in my casual school wear; jeans, black shirt, and my favorite hooded vest. Considering that I am poor as fuck I´m pretty satisfied with my closet. Not really much to wear but I sometimes manage to pull out something fancy on few occasions.

After all is done I walk out, lock the doors and greet my lovely neighbor.

"Hello !"

"Fuck off kid!"

Fucking old hag…. If she didn´t knew Misato-san I would probably kill her a long time ago. Being neighbors with schizophrenic is not cool at all.

So I walk down the street to Kaworus place. His house is around 2 or 3 minutes on foot form mine.

For my surprise I noticed that I will soon be in a company of one more classmate. Gril named Ayanami Rei lives somewhere between me and Kaworu, she is also like us, she is poor and she lives alone. There was one time that we passed in front of her house and had a look from the window on her houses inside. It was so HORRIBLE! I have no idea how she manages to make already ugly house ten times uglier, but she is doing a great job! Her house was so messy that our jaws dropped, and that was only window view, if we were to enter Kensuke might faint.

"Oy Ayanami-kun!"

"Good morning classmate Ikari-kun, will you be meeting Kaworu-sama today?"

"Ummm…. Yeah..." I mumbled and looked away.

We just proceeded in silence.

That is what I was talking about, really strange girl…. We usually walk together till we get to Kaworu, and then she just walks further…

Thing about her and Kaworu… it's probably the creepiest thing ever.

I know it started last year; we all knew each other because we were neighbors, we talked with her only few times though…. Some more than others but who cares, for us she was a really strange fuckable girl living in our neighborhood, and yes she is really hot, in fact one of prettiest girls in my class, and weirdest by far.

One night something happened on the streets, I saw her running somewhere through my window, I didn't react until few hours later when I saw her coming back with Kaworu. I never thought he would try anything with Ayanami, but from the horrible look on their faces I really doubt they were doing anything worth of mention.

From that day Rei was somehow different, well not with us but only with Kaworu. She kinda started to infiltrate his personal space, he told us that she taxed him a lot, that she started to ask him some pretty dumb things and stuff like that. Nothing out of ordinary, Kaworu is not that much affected by any of it, he also states that she is just friendlier but I know for a fact that it creeped the fuck out of him. He is phlegmatic and all, but I know him really well. We kinda teased him at first but we also encouraged him to go for her but then after observing Rei around Kaworu we simply never mentioned it again, at least when Kaworu didn't start to talk about it. Honestly I really can't tell if he is interested in her or not, Rei is definitely not his usual type of girl, to be exact all of his girls were brunettes and not to mention that all were mentally stable.

Honestly I think they match pretty well, Rei is loony and Kaworu can put up with that shit… perfection. It's too comical when she tries to talk to him and ends up blushing and/or unable to let out a single word… but everyone agrees it's cute… to a point.

Not to mention that they were both albino, back then people called them brother and sister because of that, but Kaworu hated that; he didn't have any good memory of his sisters so he forced everyone to stop….

"Umm Rei I'll be going to Kaworu now so…."

"Yes certainly, you mustn't let Kaworu-sama wait!"

"Umm…. Ok….By." I said my goodbyes and waved. It s just too creepy how she smiles from only mention of his name…

Moment later I was with Kaworu who waited for me at our usual meeting spot, he noticed Ayanami but they only exchanged nods. She blushed like crazy…

"What happened to you man, you look like shit." His eyes were even redder than mine and they are red by default. He probably can't stand a lack of sleep as much as I can. "Had a good night sleep?"

"Yeah right! You look like shit yourself, but it's fine after all we have history class today so we can sleep like babies."

"Sounds good. You doing physical today?"

"Honestly… fuck that, let's just skip and go drink coffee somewhere I need to talk with you about something."

"Now?"

"Nah, it can wait until then."

"Sure… so shall we?"  
"Yep, those two are probably still asleep"

And so we both took a smoke and slowly walked to Toji and Kensuke. From here to school Toji talked about last night game… all the way…..

"Oh god." I mumbled waking up in the middle of class. Those fucking people are just too damn noisy. Class will end for about 30 minutes so it will probably be boring as fuck, and after that we will finally enjoy 10 minute break, and after that same shit for two more hours.

I looked up to scout the area.

Toji was in front row bleeding from his ears; Kensuke was at the other side pounding his head into desk while Kawaru was still sleeping in the middle row.

After one minute I went insane so I decided to call them into group chat. Toji and Kensuke responded immediately and soon Kaworu woke up and also joined us.

Toji: Man is this boring or what honestly I think I will puke…

Kaworu: Let's just find something to do….

Kensuke: Any good ideas….

Shinji: We can just talk…

Toji: NO, NO, NO… I have an idea. How abut we do a top list of the girls in class… everyone write top five and we will calculate...

Kaworu: That's cool.

Kensuke: Yeah why not, we already did the tits size list…..

Shinji: Who won? I really can't remember….

"…."

Shinji: Oh whatever we will do it again on another occasion…

So I looked around the class to clear my mind. "Witch one? Hmmm..." It was really hard to decide, in whole school we were probably the class with hottest girls.

After a while my look was stopped on one particular girl I hated the most…. "Great" Asuka Langley Soryu.

She is one of those people who can say one word and piss me off to excess. I honestly don't know a shit about her. One thing I know that she came from Germany, and for that she became number one on Tojis hated list. I can't even remember how many times did they argue over that. _You German scum _or _She-devil nazi_, ahh good old Toji.

I never speak with her but when I do my nails dig into my skin from nerve breaking or when she addresses me as "emo kid", her personality is soooo terrible that I can't stand even one second of it. If someone should call me hateful he/she would have to meet Asuka first.

Basically I know nothing, none of us do. None of us want any kind of relations with her so we don't bother with it.

Toji indicates that she is a slut, even though it's hardly believable minding that she has no male friends, but we are standing with Toji on that.

In other hand I think she is very attractive, and when I look around the class I must agree with myself that no other girl in class is even close.

So for number one Asuka….

Now number two… "Ummm" This is harder than it should be… Hikari, our class rep is pretty cure but she looks really childish… that girl Marie… ugghhhh…. maybe Mana…Rei?

Ok Rei it is, pretty girl with absolutely no friends… except for Kaworu maybe but we are not going back to that...

When I look at her a little more perceptively she is really hot… sooo congratulations to Rei you are my number 2….

Third is definitely Mana, she is one of those sweet girls that are actually NOT irritating, at all. She is probably one of few girls in class with who I can have a pretty decent conversation that is not school related. We usually talk and we do it rather casually, once I even thought that I had a chance with her. But through our conversation I did´t get a single vibe of interest from her side to me…. so I just decided to stay put. If she would ever make a move I will probably follow, because after all she is really good looking girl.

Fourth Marie. I don't know a shit about her except that she is one of those girls that friend-zone Kensuke and one of few in class that could compete with me in grades… Well she is better looking than Hikari so that's that…

Fifth Hikari. She is cute and all… and definitely better looking that rest of female population in this class… But… ummm…meh

So we all finished and published our results and I got to say that some things were pretty unexpected.

Kensukes number one was Marie, we quite expected to see Asuka there because Kensuke was always a objective soul… so we wondered.

Tojis number one was Hikari, I thought that he would pick someone else so he could cover it and spare himself of teasing…but no… Our reaction was a big laugh and Toji just hot redder and redder, everyone in class just looked at us but we really couldn't help it. After we got scolded by our lovely teacher we calmed down and proceeded. None in class particularly liked our little group but we didn't really mind at all, for them we were just bunch of strange nerdy guys.

Kaworus number one was Rei, if it weren't for their situation no one would say anything, but as it is we seriously wondered. He noticed our puzzled looks but he only made his "What…?" face…

No one made any reaction on my number one… they all knew how much love I had for Asuka or any girl at all…

Kensuke calculated that by our votes Asuka and Rei share the first spot, Mari is second, Hikari is third and Mana is fifth… pretty decent thing to do to kill time…

Bell rang so we all grouped around Kaworus desk. Usually me and Kaworu went out to smoke but after we got caught too many times we simply stopped and learned how to control ourselves.

"Now that was fun." stared Kensuke. He was probably the one that had the most fun considering that he can't really handle a lack of sleep.

"Yeah… soo guys are we going somewhere today or we do the usual?" I asked.

"Dunno, I m always for a good night game… or we could just hang out around the neighborhood." replied Toji.

"I'm for anything actually…" I said." Though I would prefer going out."

"So are we having lunch?" asked Kaworu. "I made a lot of stuff so you can all share mine…"

"Sweet!"

"Let's dig in!"

So we ate Kaworus vegetarian food like pigs. When we finished a known guy from some other class came to us. We looked at him and locked our gazes expecting something.

"Umm guys can I talk to you for a sec."

"Sure dude, what's up?" I responded.

"Well you see I'm hosting a big party on Saturday so… I wondered if you are interested."

Suddenly bright smiles appeared on our faces. We love parties.

"Oh, sweet."  
"Yeah, we are definitely coming."

"Oh that's great so see you then guys." He said. He turned and left us.

"Byee.." we said in union.

Toji waited after he was out of sight. "Ok who the fuck is that guy?"

"He is probably that popular rich kid from 1-a." I replied. "So are we going?"

"Nothing better to do I guess? Are we all for it?" asked Kaworu.

"Yeah…going into fancy house"

"Sure."

"So it's done we are definitely going." I said.

I suddenly noticed someone approaching so I quickly sent a signal to everyone. It was Rei, and when Rei came we always turn our backs and start to chit chat to let her speak with Kaworu alone, because that stuff happened a lot these days. We just pretended that we weren't there but we were always listening, Kaworu hated that.

"Everyone in position!"

Soon after she stood in front of his desk and her cheeks were red as tomatoes, Kaworu knew that she needed some time so he just smiled and waited for her to manage a few words. We pretended that we spoke of dragons… and butter…

So she took a large breath and said: "Umm…. Kaworu…-san… you know I am also going….sooo… I was wondering if…. You… ummm… would like… TO MATCH YOUR CLOTHES WITH MINE!"

"…" Dead silence.

Wow…. that girl should probably learn that YOU DON´T ASK SUCH STUPID THINGS!

I suddenly noticed the dead silence in our class. FUCK… so I assume that everyone heard this…. this is awkward even for me and I am not even in this… right now Kaworu is probably trying to sink into the ground.

Wow I just noticed his face; he dropped his jaws and he was just sitting there, completely frozen, like his life just ran in front of his eyes. God, I can feel his pain, he has the most obvious "if this really happened kill me" face I ever saw…

I could swear that Ayanami is few seconds from heart attack… and I highly doubt she is even breathing.

After one more minute of awkward silence one girl broke into laugh and said. "Oy stupid Ayanami, I didn't know you had a thing for poor Kaworu… say do you like him?"

Rei was too fragile in this moment to let out a single word, so she just blushed even more and hummed something undefined.

"Oh I see you like him pretty girl, but I really doubt he is interested in you, you should just back off and crawl into your little hole."

Rei just lowered her head to hide her facial expression; poor girl was devastated and probably unable to speak at the moment. I knew the girl that was teasing her, a really ugly bitch who has more complexes than most of girls in our class together. Not to mention she was jealous of Rei because she was better looking from her by far…

"What happened can you even speak? Oh poor little Rei, she is too embarrassed…"

Everyone in class just laughed and went along with this. Fucking sadists…

"Can you even walk Rei… or should I—"

"—Would you SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU UGLY BITCH!"

Kaworu was on his feet with arms on his desk. I could swere that someone could die just from looking at his bloody infuriated eyes, literally! He was usual phlegmatic so this kind of reaction is even a shock for me…. One thing I know about Kaworu is that he absolutely hates abuse, and I really mean HATE it. If people get involved in this someone could easily die….

Girl twitched in shock but carefully proceeded:

"What is your problem man I was—"

"—WHAT? YOU ARE OBVIOUSLY MY FUCKING PROBLEM!"

Girl just flinched but soon continued with the arguing tone.

"Who the fuck do you think you are, and what is Rei to you anyway? You can't speak with me like this, Kaworu!"

Kaworu just turned his gaze to Rei who was looking at him with puppy like puzzled face and teary eyes. He sighted and turned back to his female opponent.

"And what will you do about it, bitch?"

The girl was completely out of control now. She also stood up.

"Oh I will do nothing you fucker, my boyfriend and his friends will kick your sorry ass."

Kaworus eyebrows twitched." I will fight him one on one, or maybe he is just a pussy who can't do shit alone or even defend his girlfriends honor?"

"Like you are doing now?"

"EXACTLY what I'm doing now!"

I am not really sure if Kaworu is aware that he just addressed Rei as his girlfriend, but I'm not planning to tell him that.

The girl just stood there in shock, averting her gaze from him. "Oh fuck you; she is not even your girlfriend, isn't she?"

"And what if she is?"

Ok correction, he is probably well aware that he addressed her as girlfriend, no going back now… Ok soo basically everyone in class looks like a damn zombie, no one expected this kind of development, but honestly I really wouldn't mind some blood. I also noticed the undefined look on Reis face, can't really tell if she is in some sort of coma or she is really happy because Kaworu stood up for her.

"Prove it Kaworu! Kiss her!"

Ok, right now Rei really is probably going to faint. For every ones surprise Kowaru grabbed Rei, who was in already deep shock and pulled her in a hug. Kaworu placed her head beneath his chin and set his gaze on his opponent, while Rei was buried in his chest. That position obviously made her more comfortable because moment later I saw her eyes watering up pretty fast, so cry out was stopped. Good move Kaworu, now that is what I call unexpected…..

"I don't plan to do anything to my… girlfriend if it will make her unnecessarily uncomfortable, and based on an atmosphere I say that she is definitely not, besides I owe you nothing so we don't have any good reason to demonstrate you our love, whore!"

"Oh screw you lovebirds, I'm sick of you. But don't forget what I said you will regret this, nerd."

She violently walked out of the class like she wanted to push someone…

After she left Kaworu placed his hands on Rei´s shoulders and carefully pushed her away still holding onto her. He revealed her teared eyes and grateful expression, heck she even smiled.

"Are you ok, Rei?"  
She just nodded.

"Can you please come with me, we need to talk."

Again just nod.

Well after they left the classroom me, Toji and Kensuke just exchanged glares. I stood up.

"Toilet?"  
"Yeah!" both replied.

It was just an excuse for going to talk about private things somewhere people can't hear us. We had a tendency of doing that stuff and by our past experiences it's just better to talk when we are completely alone. I am still in shock of last few minutes but I approve of Kaworu, I think that he became ten times more awesome than any guy in our class….

"Guys wanna talk about… you know…?"

"Nah there is no need. He did fine." replied Toji. "It's respectable to defend your woman."

"Yeah." me and Kensuke replied.

Tojis face turned into his familiar "epiphony" expression.

"Guess he is not a fag after all!"

Kensuke just downed his head and facepalmed him, but I roared….

"OH GOD!"

End of chapter one.

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Impressions? Concerns? Good/bad?

Leave a sexy review so I can get a nice motivation. :D


	2. Normal Day 2

Kensuke and I were sitting in a park near our PE court; as usual we were skipping class. It´s not like we don´t want to attend or something, it´s mostly our way of life….

While others were running around me and Kaworu would sit here is this filthy park, with terrible reputation of being junky hang out and discuss life or smoke… most of the time both. Place is filthy, full of paint and random signatures but well isolated. There is absolutely no chance that anyone can see what is inside here, not to mention that you can spot anyone who is approaching. Literally perfect place to be when you don´t want to be seen.

This time me and Kensuke were sitting alone, class before Kaworu had a little fiasco with some girl that bullied Rei, after class Kaworu and Rei went somewhere and we didn´t see him since then. We know that he can manage on his own, but god dam it that was quite fucked up. I knew about his nervousness near Rei and other stuff including his life and he wanted to talk with me about "something", and I have a lot of reasons to believe that that topic would be about Rei. Maybe he wanted to confront her and tell her to back off, or maybe even confess or…

"It was a bit unexpected don´t you thing?" said Kensuke. We were sitting on a same bench and his gaze was on me all the time. Kensuke saw my disoriented look and leaned. "You know you look worried, do you know something I don´t?"

"Well not really, I should but never got a chance to talk to him."

Kensuke looked at me angrier. "You guys always do that to us."

My eyebrows twitched. "What?"

"You know… you guys always put me out of your "private conversations", god dam it I´m your friend, you know you can talk to me about anything."

I just left a sight to that, it was true. Me and Kaworu left Toji and Kenuske out of our "private" stuff, it´s not that we don´t thrust them or anything but it´s a bit delicate… "I´m sorry, if he comes we will talk here and you can pass it on Toji. Ok?"

Kensuke also sighted. "Fine… but please don´t do that to us…"

Our conversation was interrupted by a sudden arrival of Kaworu. He literally jumped out of bushes in front of us. He looked at us and started to rub his back. "Hy!"

"Oy!" me and Kensuke responded in unison.

"Sooo… you got a girlfriend…." asked Kensuke, making a devious grin.

His face puzzled like he was uncomfortable or as he was unsure if he should talk about this stuff in front of others. It was always me and him when it came to "delicate" matters… Kaworu looked at me and I nodded, it seemed like I approved this or gave him permission to speak. Kaworu didn´t take it like that of course, he took a deep breath and replied. "It seems so…"

"How do you feel about it?" I asked.

"Not really sure… I mean she is nice and all but…-"

"-But what?" Kensuke interrupted. Guy was like too happy to be a part of private talks, I can well imagine that he didn´t have many before, we all knew that he didn't have much close friends in the past and to be honest Toji is not really good with this things.

"Umm..." Nagise adverted his look like he was going to stop but after a few moments he continued. "I´m not sure… it´s like I can´t relax around her… I really don´t know… it´s stupid…"

"It´s fine…" I reassured.

"Well do you like her?" Kensuke asked. God dam it he is terrible at these things, note to myself apologize to Kaworu later. Note number two have a serious talk with Kensuke.

"I just remembered something totally cool!" I shouted.

Kaworu being Kaworu automatically realized I was saving him from awkward situation which he didn´t deserve. "What is it?" He asked. He already looked relieved, like a giant rock fell from his back,rock named Kensuke "the awkward". He knew that Kensuke would try to object but won´t be able to resume the conversation.

"Umm…" Kensuke spoke.

I immediately continued with mine. "You know that anime _Magic Girls Supreme! _Guess what? Shit is getting season two."

"No fucking way!" Kaworu replied. We both knew that _MGS _was something non-existant I pulled out of my ass.

"Yeah, there will be like… umm… new enemies and …spells …."

"Bitchin!"

"GUYS!" Kensuke roared."I m not fucking stupid ok? For fuck sake I am fucking anime otaku, I am sure that I would know if something like _Magic Girls Supreme_ existed!"

It like I completely forgot that Kensuke is not just a mere mortal…

"Well you see…" I started.

"NO… NO, just stop it! Just tell me what am I doing wrong." Kensuke interrupted. He had that determined look on his face that we won´t go away… Running away is not an option because we all lack 20 hours of sleep.

_You are doing it all wrong!_

Kaworus and my gaze met and we shared a telepathic conversation. "_It ´s time_… "Sooner or later we would have to explain Kensuke his social awkwardness.

"Too direct!" Kaworu started.

"No style." I continued.

"Too fast."

"You need to show that you care…" This sounded so girly in my head, but it´s all true. You can´t comfort anyone if you don´t care about their problems, or at least you pretend…god dam it I can´t belive we are actually discussing this kind of stuff, we should switch this to porn… or something…

"ENOUGH! I get the bigger picture."Kensuke said looking at Kaworu. "I´m sorry man. You know what´s between you and Rei is… well between you and Rei, so if you are uncomfortable talking about it just say so, coz right now I´ m a bit ashamed…"

"No hard feelings man…" Kaworu replied. He extended his fist as to give Kensuke a brofist, and so he did.

Maybe we shouldn't let Kensuke out of these things, maybe…

"HEY WHO IS THERE!" sudden voice came. Female voice…

We all stiffed and stood up; Kaworu quickly threw his cigarette behind him and stepped on it with his right foot.

For our "relief" it wasn´t anyone in position, far worse it was Asuka and her group of girls (2 of them), commonly addressed as _bitches. _They only missed Hikari and they complete one of most irritating groups of girls I know. Not minding that Hikari is not bad or anything… just annoying.

"What the hell are you nerds doing here, this is our hiding spot!" Asuka demanded.

Sudden anger, so much anger, and by looking at Kenuske and Kaworu I know that I am not alone. _This is telepathic transmission to Toji ;if you are there please save us…_

Kaworu frowned."Is your name somewhere around? Some sign? Papers?"

"You idiot, everyone knows this is our spot!" Asuka replied angrily.

"Apparently…" I whispered.

"Said something _emo kid_? Asuka demanded. She crossed her hands and stared at me, glaring daggers. Not sure if she wanted to look intimidating, or look higher than us… but she was failing. At least with me, on the other hand Kensuke is pretty shaken… that guy….

I just sighted. God I just want to get rid of her, so go with the flow…. Make her go…

"I didn´t say anything!" I responded.

"Good!"

_If you were not a girl…._

Me, Kaworu and Kenuse exchanged glares, it was time to go. The moment we turned our back one of other two girl addressed us:" Wait."

_What the fuck now…_

We just turned and glared at her. She turned her back to us and started to whisper with Asuka and other girl. After a few seconds they all nodded and other one of them pulled something out of her pocket and said: "You guys know what this is?"

I just looked. Fuck I knew what that was. Plastic bag full of marihuana, sweet leaf, cause of my previous "big drug" addiction….

We just stood silent. Kaworu and Kensuke knew of my addict past, heck that we were doing that shit a lot until I said it was enough, so they were probably waiting for my response…

"Nope…" I said.

"Hey now I remember, look Shinji it´s marihuana, you remember? Dude we used to…." Kensuke babbled until he got elbow kick from Kaworu.

_KENSUKE FORGET EVERYTHING I SAID EARLIER, YOU FUCKING FAILER YOU WILL DIE! CALM DOWN SHINJI YOU ARE GOOD, EVERYTHING IS FINE… NOONE WILL CALL YOU JUNKY, WE ARE OVER IT…_

"Kenuske you fucking idiot!" I shouted. But after I averted my gaze to the floor.

I could already hear it again; _junky Shinji,junky Shinji, junky Shini_…_ fuck that middle schoolers, fuck all of them.. they did not know me… they don´t have a slightest fucking idea of what I was going through… and now you fuck up… how could you?_

"Well you are all fucking junkies aren´t you, well we can´t actually say anything because after all this is ours… Tell you what let´s spare each other from unnecessary rumors and keep quiet about this, but of course we didn´t show you this to show off. We don´t know how to prepare this… so you do it and we will stay silent, you can even join us for one round if you want." Asuka dictated.

This was excellent suggestion: "Give it to me, and no thank you." My heart was somehow at ease now. I used to do this a lot, to be honest I learned to do this on YouTube(A/N: Fuck It I am going with the real names, disclaimer is up…)

She threw it to me along with all the necessary parts to make it. I am really not proud of this but in next ten seconds I prepared most beautiful joint this people laid their eyes on…

"Take it." I said throwing it to Asukas hand. "And keep your promise!"

I could almost feel that everyones eyes sparkled…..

"Impressive… where did you learn this kind of stuff…" Asuka asked.

"You Tube" I answered. It was true…

I turned to live and others followed. Kenuse was a bit disappointed; he was completely out of situation. I knew he wanted to stay there with them more than anything, and I really doubt he realized why I called him _idiot. _Well he will be wondering for a long time… Kaworu was the same as me "get-the-fuck-away-pose", at least someone…

"You know Ikari I am really interested in your past, you are really interesting. Got anything to say!" Asuka demanded.

God, that bitch acted like she owns everything. I´m sick of her.

"Yes I do, fuck off…"

Normal reply from her to this would be a roundhouse kick to the face, but for my surprise she just grinned.

"You are indeed interesting _Ikari, _and don´t try to run away. If I am interested I will find out! You got me!"

"Whatever…."

_BITCH. Get the fuck away from my life…_

"By, by_." _They greeted us and one of them pulled out a lighter and set my creation on fire…

So we just tuned and left, leaving them to get high and do what they want, without realizing we were actually swayed by girls, from territory that was completely neutral and belonged to us as much as them. In the past we mindlessly bashed skulls to get rid of unwanted kids in our park in _Sakura Street. _Oh god Toji where were you, we needed you to get rid of _Queen Bitch. _Instead we got Kensuke who completely ruined our talk and endangered my already crappy reputation of "emo kid".

Idiot was going to have a piece of my mind but right now I just needed to take a dump…

"I´m gonna take a dump, see you at class. Ok?" I announced.

"Sure, take your time." Kaworu replied and winked. Kenuke nodded and followed Kaworu to the benches behind the PE court…

Class is boring as fuck… I´m literally regretting not getting high just then… I looked at Asuka and her friends in the middle row, they were laughing at anything… god dam it why the fuck are they having fun, Tojis ears are bleeding in the front and they are having fun. Well fuck you Toji you deserved it for not being there when we needed you.

I still can´t realize how was our professor so dumb that he can´t notice three high girls in class, well that is above me I guess… we much be thankful that he never notices us sleeping… if he did it would be bad, really bad…

This is too boring, fuck it going back to sleep… why the fuck did I drink two cups of coffee?

Finally it was over, we stood in front of school gates and I lit a cigarette.

"I´m going to work, Kaworu going my way?" I asked. Our talk was still unfinished, and I really wanted that we do it alone. No, Kensuke still didn´t received a piece of my mind. I´m saving it for later.

"Sure." He responded. Kaworu knew he was still unclear in front of Shinji, and he really, really wanted to get over with this. He know the mystery bothered everyone and that he will have to live with consequences every single day, but at least he would be clear in front of his friend.

"Then see you losers later." Toji said. He put his arm around Kensukes neck and went along with him, hugged.

Both Toji and Kenuske turned and fare welled "By!"

"By!" We both responded.

I glared around and noticed Asuka staring at me, when she noticed that I noticed she just grinned.

_What the fuck do you want?_

She came closer.

_What the fuck…_

"I forgot to ask Kaworu, what´s with you and Wondergirl?"

_Thank god, well not really any better but none the less better…_

"We are dating, problem?"

"No." Asuka replied. She looked satisfied. But then she averted her gaze back to me. "I wish everyone just answered my questions without hiding anything, right Shinji? Well let´s not mind that digging will be sweeter… well unless you want to talk _Ikari?"_

"Suck my dick maybe?"

"You wish that I do don´t you, pervert?"

My fist could break from the clutch I m making right now…

"Well see you around _Ikari_." Asuka quickly said and left. "Silly klutz" she mumbled silently but I heard her…

God dam it I wanted to kill her, my cigarette almost broke in my arms….

Me and Kaworu remained alone, well not alone there were 600 more students all around us. When school was finished it was pretty crowdie around here. Well our school was disgusting from outside as it was from inside. This was more of poor kids' school than public one. In this it really didn´t matter from where you came, we have few rich, few poor and mostly average. I knew that Mana was rich as fuck, more importantly she wasn't spoiled brat like Asuka witch was probably also rich… others were probably all average… well our gang was poor but we didn´t show it… we had decent clothing and we were always hygienically flawless… well Toji more or less but anyway…

"You set?" Kaworu asked. He already finished with his smoke. And he was unsure of my stillness with this entire Asuka situation but he knew we would come to that…

"Yep!" I answered. Throwing my cigarette on the floor and stepped on it with my left foot.

After a one minute walk there was no one near us so we could talk about our "delicate" situation.

"Commencing therapy session number 200." I announced. I was just trying to break the tension and awkwardness of the short silence we shared.

Kaworu laughed but nodded and started."Well as you noticed Rei and I are dating, and I know what you all think or at least you, I know it looked like I did it out of pity but it´s not true… you know when I told you that we need to talk…"

"Yes…"

"Well to be honest I actually wanted to consult you about asking her out or not…"

"Really?" I asked in shock. I didn´t quite expect Kaworu to think about it… damn I just thaught that that relationship was based on awkwardness…

"Yeah… But it´s fine now I guess, it already happened so we can´t change that…"

"Why did you decide to ask her out, you never told me you had some sort of affection for her?"

"Well to be honest I just wanted to go on ice-cream with her or something and see how she really is, you know if her personality is half her beauty, if it were I would probably react… Anyway I already talked to her and I am really surprised..."

"What happened?" I asked. God dam it I am so curious…

"For start she apologized and thanked me, I really like polite girls…. Well she got the situation and realized that I may have just done that because of pity, and she also asked if I would like that she clears the misunderstanding and explains everything to everyone… she explained that she wouldn´t like to be in relationship with me if I only did it out of pity and did not like her…"

"So you?" I asked with high expectations…

"Yep I told her that I like her…" Kaworu announced proudly.

"Sorry for asking but do you?"

"Well to be honest… not for now… but I really thing I might in near future… right now I´m still a bit tense near her…"

"And what was her reaction?"

"Well she hugged me and promised that she will be the best girlfriend I ever had, and then she started to ask the most stupid questions up to now…."

"Like…."

"Thrust me… it is not important…"

"Fine…" I sighted. Fuck I am so curious… "Maybe later?"

"Nope…"

"Grrr" I purred. Shame, but it´s not that important I guess. "Well do you plan on going on a date?"

"Actually we didn´t speak of that, I´ll contact her on Facebook…." Kaworu replied. "And btw how are you holding up with Asuka sniffing around…"

"Well I plan to let Toji on her… or something."

"That sounds like plan… but seriously you good?"

"Yeah I really doubt she can find anything though…"

"Yeah me too, but if it get´s problematic talk to us… really. This is my road, so hear you later!"

"Thanks man, hear you later..."

We waved and parted, soon after I was in front of my destination. _Manga universe, _the place I worked at. Well I worked here every day after school for 3 hours. I was free on weekends so it was good. Paycheck was a bit crappy but it helped me a lot. Place was fine I worked alone as a cashier and sometimes guide for blind morons who can´t find their manga following alphabetic order… I mostly enjoyed my time here, regulars were good people and I spent most of my time just reading everything, if I continue to work here until the end of high school I will probably become one of greatest otaku ever to walk on Japanese soil…

After work I came home and did my usual routine. First of all take a piss, then make coffee, then drink coffee and in process smoke about three cigarettes. After those just relax and do nothing, studying could wait for few days, after all I was a top class student and I was mostly finished with everything until mid-terms…

I went to my computer and checked my web.

Facebook; 1 friend request…

"Hmmm?"

And it was from… guess who… "Great Asuka Langley Soryu"…. Decline….

_Fuck…._

YouTube; nothing special, just few new videos from the people I was following, enjoyed watching them though and even liked 4 of them.

Twitter; some announcements from few celebrities I like… again nothing special..

I was going to continue but I suddenly got a urge to continue with my memos, so I opened the word and started to write…

After two hours Skype started to ring, it was Toji. I looked at the clock and there it was 3 a.m. standard gaming time….

"Oy Shinji, you ready for a game?"

"Sure, call others and we could do the pervious…"

"You hate to lose don´t you, _loser!"_

"O… we will see about that you fucking douche…"

I was gonna talk to him about Asuka but fuck it, it can all wait until tomorrow… not to mention that I really need to have a serious talk with Kensuke….

End of Chapter 2.


	3. Crappy Day

Hello guys, sorry I was late with previous chapter but from now on I plant to upload faster. As you may notice I am not really a skillful writer (for now) so I am really appreciating if you are reading this. It´s probably pain in the ass for now but I really want to improve, so please don´t hold with the reviews, seriously I can take it. :D I also apologize for the crappiness of second chapter, I made some adjustments before upload but apparently they didn´t take effect and I noticed that day later…

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DISCLAIMER: I don´t own anything!

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"It´s Wednesday, ughh…" I mumbled.

I just woke up, and I felt shitty. I was laying on my bed looking at my extended arm blocking the beams of light coming from my sealing lamp; light in the morning was real pain in the ass, but I found it bearable because it blocked my sight of awful cuts on my wrists, every time I looked at my arms always the same sight. Somehow I just didn´t felt like getting up, could be lack of sleep but it was unusual for me so it could easily be anything. This was one of my morning feelings that this day would really suck…

I would stay in bed for maybe 1 hour more, frankly I didn´t care if I would be late for school or not. I feel so weak, so distant… I just decided to space out for few minutes to collect some strength if it was even possible.

Yesterday was such a strange day, all kinds of thoughts started to appear in my head. I started to think about school, how I absolutely hated that disgusting place and all the people in it. Some images of people walking behind me on corridors and laughing behind my back appeared in my head. Of course I always knew that there was no way that they were talking about me, but I always have that strange feeling in my head that everyone is against me, it could be that I am paranoid or something, normal kids don´t frizzle whenever they got a feeling that someone is talking about them. But it was a case with me; after all I have been through a lot of shit.

I am a slave to my past and I hate it, but most of all I really hate myself. Day by day I suffered more abuse than any other man or woman could dream of, some days it was bearable but few were harder than all other together. Cuts on my wrists are painful reminders of those times. Reminders of my aunt, especially of the day she raped me, reminders of her customers who yelled at me, reminders of drugs, reminders of a lot of thing but also of most painful of all… They mostly remind me of how weak I was and how I still am, how I can´t speak normally in front of women, how I get no respect from other people in school, how I suck at explaining myself and even about standing for myself. God dam it I was pathetic I can´t believe I almost asked Toji to defend me from Asuka, god, sometimes I fell so useless… I remember even more pathetic when I couldn´t even confront my aunt when she did "things"…

I decided not to get myself lower than I already was. I decided to stand up, make myself some coffee and forget about all the shit, after all it was a new day and Misato-san always said that I should always appreciate every day I was given…

When I pulled myself into sitting position my stomach suddenly started to hurt pretty badly. God dam it I could feel the vomit pouring into my mouth, I wasn´t a stranger to morning sickness but it doesn't mean I got used to it or that I ever will. After all I had a pretty terrible life-style.

I stood up and ran to toilet as fast as I could. I quickly positioned my face above the sing and threw up my most previous meal…

_I feel terrible in my own skin…_

"UGH… Blehhh … fuck…." I muttered. Liquids were still dripping from my mouth but I ignored it until I calmed myself down. After a few glances to mirror I decided that I look too weak to go to school and I finally cleaned my mouth with my arm.

"Well not going to school today I guess…" I announced to myself.

Well as soon as I calmed down I decided to make myself some coffee and lit a cigarette to kill the stench in my mouth. Toothbrush would be also fine but I just didn´t feel like it, it´s not like anyone will feel my breath here am I right?

I got coffee ingredients ready, started to boil some milk (preferred coffee with milk) and texted others that today I won´t be joining them. They replied with concern but I explained that it was nothing serious. They all wished me fast recovery and I replied with thanks.

After finishing coffee and lighting a cigarette I decided to jump on my sofa and watch some T.V. Of course I didn´t watch anything, I´m not interested in T.V., I just stared at some T.V. show still thinking about stuff that happened around me.

"_Kaworu and Rei dating a?" _I thought. Well can´t really say that I won´t support them, I mean Kaworu is practically my brother, the man that would never betray me and I should be happy for him. But god dam it I was really jealous of them, I mean for him who was also abused by his three sisters to be so good at this kinds of situations is out of my comprehension, not to mention Rei. Dam it that girl is one of most beautiful girls in our school. Well she is not exactly the most normal one but I could sometimes see myself holding hands with her, well one of my fantasies died now… Well I will still ask Kaworu how she really is I mean I am still interested to hear about contents of her strange mind.

Suddenly my changed to Kensuke, he is my friend and all but god knew how awkward he can be. Literally the amount of times my most intimate secrets I shared with him got out only because he wanted to continue some conversation with some pretty girl. Sometimes I am ashamed to be guy, if I am to be grouped with dickheads controlled by hormones that will do anything to put dick into woman I might as well pull my eyeballs out… I am happy to be his friend but he really needs to grow up and develop some sort of _farsight_.

Just when I thought about my secrets I remembered one particular thread to my privacy…Asuka. I didn´t quite get to panic about it so why the heck not now? Basically I really doubt she can find anything, can she? Well if she went to my previous "orphanage" she could probably get a lot… well to do that she must assume that I am orphan and then she must go through every one in Tokyo3 to find mine… not gonna happen. She could also get a thing or two from police, I had a record after all but I also highly doubt that she could pull it off. So I think I am safe from it, no more names… no more teasing, fuck her! Bitch can shove it in her ass for all I care, I am a new man now and I will not be enslaved by my past anymore… or at least I like to pretend that way…

I got too fuzzy from thinking about that stuff and decided to escape from real world for a while. This world sucked it was time to go explore some other worlds …. Well it was time for me to turn on my Console I guess.

I went on my knees and switched my T.V. to console mode, after I pulled one of my favorite games and shoved it in. "The World of Instrumentality" was the best game I played in a while, it was singe person only so I played it rarely because most of the time I went multiplayer with others.

I got back to my sofa and turned the game on.

Game turned on and the words started to appear on the screen:

Welcome to the Instrumentality; proceed from your previous save or start a new game?

I chose to continue my previous adventures, in my latest fiasco I was the warrior named Kurosh. Mighty warrior on a quest to save the world from evil behemoth named Sanchiel. I stopped at the "witch village" arc where I was supposed to find an evil witch and kill her…

After a half an hour of playing I faced the witch and successfully defeated the witch and she started to beg for her life. Two options appeared on my screen; _1. Forgive the witch and venture further_ and _2. Rape the witch and loot her shack_ ….

"Oh my god…" I said in shock. I automatically clicked the first option and proceeded, spared witch thanked me and my character received a positive energy and soon after that I just saved the game and turned it off.

Joystick slipped from my arms and I spaced out in my thoughts. "_How could anyone do that to someone_?" was a question that bothered me to this day. I know that I could never do such a thing to anyone, fuck it no one deserved that, if someone should do it to me I would….

Sudden tears appeared in my eyes, fuck, like hell I would… "I am so pathetic I couldn't even do it then how could I do anything now…. Who am I kidding? I´m a wimp, I´m still bound to my past and I am making myself even more pathetic denying it, even now after so much years I can´t even stay calm in front of women. Even in the fucking Instumentality I can´t escape the fucking truth…"

I was still upset but one thing suddenly entered my mind "NO" ….that´s right "NO". I don´t have to repeat the same shit to myself every single day… I decided not to fall down! In the past few years I made friends, successfully entered the human society, found a job, studied hard and many more. Small glimpse of self-esteem returned to me and I decided to hold onto it and not to let myself get any lower.

"For fuck sake why do I need to go through all of this…?" I said when I felt that my stomach was rising again…

After a short trip to the bathroom and finally brushing my teeth I decided to go outside to calm myself down, maybe take a small walk and puke into my neighbors' backyard, Instrumentality was not an option now, even though I like the place it reminds me of pain too much… and apart from that T.V. suck these days. And so the choice was clear.

After I finished dressing up I put my cigarettes in my pocket together with a lighter and I put my SDAT in the other pocket. I was ready to go.

* * *

Right after I went outside I saw my schizophrenic neighbor staring at my apartments wall, usually I would greet him and try to be friendly but right now I was not in the mood so instead of that I just walked passed him flipping my middle finger back and forth…

"Do that to your mother, ass-face!"

_My mother is dead you fucking duchebag…_

"I would rather do it to yours!" I responded and just walked away not minding what crap may come out of morons' mouth.

I could take his shit, but my mother was something you don´t mention, even though I don´t remember her no one is gonna trash those few memories I have…

Next hour I spent walking around Sakura Street feeling depressed, after a while I decided to sit down on a park bench and observe a life around me. Place was really beautiful; green landscapes, everything was clean, there weren´t any troublemakers and it was silent, well it was during a day. During day a lot of older people passed by, going on with their life and not minding me… I watched a smiling couple pass by, they looked so happy holding hands and enjoying each others company… wish that someone would comfort me like that …

I had Kaworu and guys but that was not exactly the thing I needed all the time, they were good and supportive but none of them actually understood me or what hell I went through, sure Kaworu had a glimpse of it but I consider his case lucky comparing it to mine.

Suddenly I noticed a small white kitty crawling between my legs.

"Are you lonely little one?" I said as I tapped her on the head. I could easily get few sicknesses more but I didn´t care that much.

"You remind me of someone you know that?" I continued. I remained happy looking at the pleasured kitty under my hands as I continued to tap her on the head.

After few moments small white cat just meowed at me and went away, probably pleased.

"_Well at least I think I comforted you my friend…" _I thought to myself. Well I could try to find someone I guess… I deserve to be happy just as anyone, right?

I spent few moments just thinking if I should try again with "girlfriend" things… I really don´t know. I had pretty decent good looking girls in my class, I could probably settle with average looking one that shouldn't be too demanding…. Or better not, when I think about it average looking ones always went for prettier guys just to show off to each other , never really understood that and I highly doubt that any of them would show off with me, I wasn´t one of good looking I guess… "_Well going to start making myself depressed again am I?"_ I thought as I continued. Well more popular girls always decline all the love offers, at least that is the case with my class… I don´t really know I might as well wait for a party that is coming and see there… if anything I will get drunk and forget everything and possibly kill my depression through some fun…

I stood up as I decided to go home and return to my "quest" I noticed someone familiar looking my way.

_Fuck._

"Are we skipping class Shinji-kun?" Misato yelled with melodic voice. In any other situation I would probably jump with joy from sight of her but right now running away was a pretty decent option. No one would object if he/her saw her when she is mad…

"I ´m sorry, I felt sick in the morning!" I apologized as I usually do. She came closer to me and studied my face as my eyes were closed with expectation of something bad.

"You look sick you know! Well that cigarette surely won´t help you, you know?"

"Oh" I replied. As soon as I heard that I threw my cigarette on the floor and steeped on it turning her off. Damn my face went somewhat pinky, I didn´t like for Misato-san to see me with any kid of addicting "commodities"…

"Don´t worry Shinji-kun, you probably just wanted some fresh air right?" Misato leaned even closer with her face to mine.

"Y-Yeah!" I responded blushing madly…

"You know what Shinji-kun why don´t you come with me for a cup of coffee, I could use some ones company!" She asked. That was an offer no one refuses.

"Sure Misato-san!" I replied with cheerful voice. I loved to spend time with Misato-san; she was like the best woman that set foot on this planet, ever!

"Then come with me, my car is over there!" She announced pointing at the nearby parking complex.

"Coming" I replied.

_Fuck…_

Misato-san has 2 flaws, driving and cooking, when she drives she is like a crazy psycho, you would get a clearer perspective if you ever rode with her and when she cooks… god save us all… I was still feeling kind of sick but I don´t want to insult her driving skills so I will be a man and take it to myself..

"Hurry up Shinji-kun, they might close!" She said in her usual melodic almost singing tone.

"U-Umm… There is no need to hurry…." I protested.

"Oh sure there is. Come on! I will get us there in 2 minutes just you wait!"

"_I was afraid of that_." I thought. Well I don´t plan to do anything about it so what the heck.

"OK…"

* * *

After exactly 1 minute and 25 seconds we appeared in front of Starbucks and I really, REALLY had to use a bathroom. We went out of car and I started: "Misato I really need to use a bathroom can you please take big coffee with milk for me?"

"Sure, anything for my little boy!" Misato replied smiling.

_You didn´t have to say that…_

As much as I loved Misato-san and she liked me I had one really _big_ problem with her, she never acknowledges me as a independent person and she always threats me like I´ m boy even thou I am 16, and I shave once a week that counts…

We parted I went to the bathroom and she went to the reception. I entered a bathroom moment after. I am alone…luckily. So I entered a cabin and threw up all the liquids of my stomach, again. The familiar disgusting feeling of my stomach content crawling up my throat. After that I just went to the sink and looked at the mirror.

_Disgusting…_

"I can´t believe that I am unable to stand up to a woman, fuck if I just told her that I was puking and that her driving was not stomach-friendly this would not happen, but no… You just have to go along with anything don´t you Shinji, you are afraid to hurt women feelings, am I right?"

Mirror gave no response…

"I thought so…" I said to the mirror cleaning my mouth and going to the exit.

Misato waited for me at the balcony; apparently she was considerable enough to go to smoking part, how charming of my Misato-san. We drank our coffee for few hours and we talked about everything, well I did the most of talking, that woman was like my therapist but I always avoided more personal things. I really liked her company, who wouldn´t enjoy the company of a perfect woman? But not single moment did she address me as a man, I was bothered by that, a lot… but considering conditions in which we met it is not really surprising…

We met at the deepest point of my misery and she managed to break through my barriers and put me on my cranky feet… our relationship would be more of mother-son or sister-little brother than any other, but even then she would have to acknowledge me like an independent person… but it was not happening.

I knew I won´t get any respect from women just by wishing it, but to be honest I had no idea what to do…

"_Problems I will have to face later I guess_…" I thought as we left. At least I had some fun, not to mention a free coffee and waffle.

"Shinji next few weeks I will be extremely busy so we probably won´t see each other that much. But if you have any problems you can always call me ok? You know you can speak to me about anything that bothers you, o.k.?" She asked with somewhat concerned face. I hated when she made that face.

_I wish it was true…_

"Yes Misato-san always…" I answered. As much as I hated to keep things from her I did that a lot, after all she is a woman and you don´t speak to women about men´s problems… or boyish … god dam it… Not being able to see Misato-san for few weeks is terrible; at least we had this coffee…

"Want me to ride you home Shinji-kun?" Misato asked with that same concerned face."We must cherish our last moment!" She announced changing her expression to more cheerful one.

"That won´t be necessary Misato-san, I am really close to my home…" I replied while shaking my head. I´m not entering that car EVER!

"You sure Shinji-kun?" Misato asked with her seductive voice. God I hated that voice, when I was younger I always got wrong impressions, but then I admit that I was pretty foolish back then…

"Yes I am definitely sure, I could use a walk!" I said trying to sound as reassuring as possible.

"Oh, okay then see you then my little boy…." She greeted in her again cheerful voice.

"Goodbye Misato-san!" I returned the greeting. "_Thank god that she got convinced._ " I thought.

"Oh! Shinji! One more thing before I forget!" My social worker shouted.

"W-What is it?" I asked. I was little puzzled at her sudden question.

"Any girls?" she asked smiling broadly. I couldn´t stand that poisonous grin on her face, it always made me blush, and yes I was that easily controlled…

"U-U-Um N-N-No… but I am working on it…." I mumbled back. Heck I feel pathetic right now.

"Hihihih, well try harder lover boy, no woman will ever come to you if you don´t try your best, you got me?" She proclaimed. I knew how the things worked, but thank you…

I had three girlfriends if you don´t remember… which means that I asked three girls out and that they said _yes. _I had no problems with asking, I can manage few doses of courage for that, well I must admit that I played safe and it could also be that I am scared of refusal; but not minding that my problem was with keeping them. I was not that socially retarded as Kensuke, after all I kissed 4 girls… okay maybe 3 that fourth was a bit situational thing… but it was solid number... I guess. Well Kaworu did a lot more with girls with Toji behind him witch put me on third place in our gang on that matter… Point is I am not some kid that never saw a girl in his life; _I really appreciate this Misato…. really considerate of you_… frankly now I really doubt that she got any bigger opinion of me other than "kid-with-tragic-past"….

"Y-Y-Yes… you are right Misato…" I muttered. Well swallowing my pride once again… "_You wimp_!" I thought to myself.

"Ahhh, well see you then my Shinji, and don´t remember to believe in yourself, o.k.? You know you can do anything if you want!" Misato reassured.

"Thank you…"

"Well by then!" Misato greeted as she turned around and walked away.

"By" I greeted and waved as I was looking at her when she entered her road killer.

(Sigh)

I turned around and went home, it was getting dark pretty soon and I still felt down. When I felt down I went to my laptop and continued with writing my memos. Yesterday I finished the 6th year of my life so it was going pretty good I guess. I don´t really know why am I writing it but I always get some motivation to do it… they could be useful one day I think…

* * *

When I arrived home I checked my web again. There was nothing new on neither Facebook nor YouTube and others were also all the same… I wasn´t into gaming tonight , to be honest I felt like going to sleep early, day was pretty crappy and I could use some more sleep considering that I am sick and shit…

Just before I went to bathroom I noticed that my phone was signaling that I have a message. I lifted it up and checked the message; strangely it was unknown number… I wonder. When I opened the message I had something quite disturbing to see.

Hello Baka Ikari.

"Are you so scared of me that you are skipping school now, ha? You should tell me what I want, if you don´t do it yourself I will continue to dig further, and if I find something nasty everyone will know, you got me? And I already found something. ; ) You are wondering why am I doing this right? Well, truth is you are the only boy in the school I know nothing of and you refused to tell me what interested me. You see no one ignores my demands, you got that? So you got an option, tell me what I want and I am letting you go, got it you wimp? "

Goodbye :*

_How…. What the….is… UGHHHH._

I threw my phone in the wall and completely shattered it all across the floor, one of those moments in which anger consumes me completely and when that happens I lose my rationality, all of it.

_WHAT THE HELL WAS ALL OF THE SUDDEN WITH HER? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT BITCH THINKING? WHO THE FUCK DOES _SHE_ THINK SHE IS…QUEEN OF FUCK SCHOOL! THAT ALL BOYS ARE HER PAWNS! WHAT THE FUCK!_

I calmed after some hard panting, I just put my back on the wall and slid into sitting position grabbing my head with my arms.

_What could she possibly know… probably nothing? Yes, bitch is probably lying. Fuck she may actually know me from middle school, hardly believable. Maybe someone told her about me, someone that we both knew and who went with me in middle school. Is that possible? No, no it ´s not possible, THAT bItch is lying about everything. She can shove all of this in her ass for all I care…_

I remained sitting on a floor few more minutes, after I calmed down a bit I went to my bathroom to take a nice cold shower which should help me to forget about all of this. I still couldn´t comprehend that woman was abusing me once again and that I was going to take it and ignore it, again…

After shower I completely cleared my mind and went to my laptop, I started to write my memos and kept doing it for 3 straight hours without a single break (of course I smoked about 8 cigarettes in process). Basically I did it until I forgot my previous problem. When I decided that I was done I leaned across my chair and stretched my arms; I noticed that it was already dark so I should probably get going to my slumbers, because I really deserved a good night sleep.

I remained sitting on my chair for few more seconds, I looked around my room; lights were off and it was pretty dark… I felt really lonely…. Lonely…

_Fuck I forgot to call my work and inform them of my absence! Fuck, fuck, fuck…._

(Sigh)

I stood up, got rid of my clothes, turned everything off because I didn´t want any night calls from my friends and after all that I jumped inside my bed bare naked. Hopefully I could get a good sleep; it was eleven so I would sleep pretty decently tonight or at least that´s what I always wished for. As soon as I entered my bed and positioned myself on my back I noticed someone who lived in my crotch territory.

"You are not sleepy? Well fuck you… you like to use me don´t you?" I asked my penis.

(Sight)

If he stayed like this I won´t be able to fall asleep so I slowly grabbed it and started to do my thing. Up and down, from base to top. I did the same process for few more minutes before I fell asleep. I hoped for a normal night and instead I got one of worst nightmares I ever had…

_What a crappy day…_

* * *

End of Chapter 3.

* * *

A/N: The torture of Shinji has started… hurray? Thank you for watching and please don´t hold back, I m a good guy I can handle bad reviews and still love you after…

Suggestions? Concerns? Something?


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